Maybe they just have a toothache?

I saw the way they looked at me….

‘They think I’m an idiot’

‘They really hated my idea’

‘They thought I was too fat, too ugly, too old, too young, too…..’

👀👂✋🏼💋👃🏾Our senses (sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell) gather information from the world around us. And our brain orders this. Deciding what to pay attention to. What to ignore. And adding a framework to make sense of the data.

🧠Our brains love stories. A story can be a shortcut way for our brain to take a complex set of data and make sense of it, so we know what to do next.

🐅From an evolutionary perspective, this can be really helpful. We can quickly take information, recognise danger and make a plan. ‘That rustling in the bushes is a Tiger and I need to get out of here’.

🤔But brains can overstretch. In our modern world, we can put in a framework or a story, without even knowing we’re doing it. And then we treat it like its a fact.

🔮A look or a sigh from someone might be interpreted as ‘they think I’m an idiot’. And so we act defensively or nervously or we withdraw. And we forget that we’re not mind readers and that the data we have isn’t perfect.

✴️‘They think I’m an idiot’ is not a fact, it’s a story. Sure, it might be true, but it also might not.

🦷When I find myself or my clients telling stories, I offer an alternative. ‘Maybe they have a toothache?’ is my go to story. Anyone unlucky enough to experience the physical, emotional and financial pain associated with a toothache can quickly empathise with this story.

🦄We know without more information the toothache story is fantasy…. ‘how can I possibly know they have a toothache unless they tell me?’. But by introducing the toothache story, it can highlight that our other thoughts might be stories too.

🧐💛‘Maybe they have a toothache’ gives us flexibility to consider that a look or sigh might not be all about us. It can help us bring empathy, kindness and curiosity to our interaction. How differently we would feel and act if we think someone has a toothache vs thinking we’re an idiot!

💊So, next time you start to tell yourself a story about other people’s actions, give the toothache strategy a go. And let me know how you find it. We’ll know the story is trending when people start offering unsolicited panadol/ibuprofen and dentist recommendations. 🤣

Image is of flowers 💐 given to me in the midst of a terrible toothache in 2016!