Tight Grip
Recently, I bought a pair of ‘comfy jeans’ online. I was attracted by the claims they were “super comfortable with an elastic waist”. When I put the jeans on they seemed pretty good. As a fashion feature, the jeans have thick elastic bands around the ankles. Initially this felt a bit tight. But I ignored that, hoping they’d stretch. And I was thankful for the comfy waist band.
Just like the internet promised, the jeans became a weekend staple. But each time I’d wear the jeans for a few hours, a trend emerged…. My fuse would get shorter. I was more likely to snap at the kids. Or I’d notice a general sense of dissatisfaction and irritation. It was only when my husband said “you’ve got your grumpy jeans on again” that I made the link.
While wearing the jeans I’d get used to (or habituate to) that tight feeling around my ankles. But, constantly managing that sensation somehow gave me fewer resources to cope with the other hassles of daily life.
I love metaphors, so it got me thinking about the other ‘tight’ sensations we manage in our daily lives. Maybe its pain or discomfort in our bodies, sad or worrying thoughts in our minds, or that constantly whirling to-do list. There’s a simple solution to my jean discomfort. However, sometimes we need to get creative for those tight sensations we can’t instantly change.
In my work, I often help people coping with worry and uncertainty. One of the mental hacks I recommend is ‘worry time’. It goes like this; you set a time each day, put an alarm on for 20 minutes, sit down and worry. The worry can be in your mind, or through writing or talking. When 20 minutes is up, you then do something else. Preferably something enjoyable. Worries will undoubtedly creep in outside the scheduled worry time, but just write these down for later. Or mentally say “I’ll come back to that during my worry time” then allow your mind to put the worry aside.
Worry time works by giving the brain an opportunity to loosen its grip on worries, knowing these will get their airtime later. People are often surprised by the mental freedom this strategy creates. Without discounting or ignoring worries, but putting limits on these, we can increase our resource to focus on other aspects of life.
Worry time is just one of many strategies that can help to reduce some of the mental or physical tightness we carry with us. It can be worthwhile taking stock of any aspects of your life that have a tight grip on you. Then you can start to explore strategies you can use to get some freedom.
And of course, sometimes a pragmatic approach is the best option – those uncomfortable jeans are going to be rehomed to someone with smaller ankles.
